I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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