a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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