i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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