3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
