my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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