If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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