Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize