I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
soo... how was my night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
