All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
