I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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