Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
