Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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