what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
