dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize