Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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