Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize