Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
