She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
