You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
