Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
