a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
