I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
