I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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