Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We named our party play list daddy issues
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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