So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
