If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Two words: nipple clamps
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