ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
