one two three fourrrrnication!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
