also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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