it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
