redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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