He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize