the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
