just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
