Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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