honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
