fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
