dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
