you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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