There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
