How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
