just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
