It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
