At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my shit smells like andre
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
