So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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