a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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