the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
