Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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