woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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