the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
