you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
