he thought i was a dude.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
