ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
