i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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