I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
