Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
