so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
