So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
