fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
