Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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