Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
