Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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