Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
