That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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