one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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