Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
