Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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