oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
