I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
