Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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